Mom's Biggest Baby Worries

The Top 5 Things New Moms Worry About

by Shannon McKelden

Every new mom worries about her newborn's health or whether she'll know what to do in an emergency. It's perfectly normal. Worries come with the territory. You aren't alone. Whatever you worry about, some other moms have worried about it too. The following seem to be the top 5 new-mom worries.

1. What If My Baby Stops Breathing?

By far the biggest worry is that the baby will stop breathing or become a victim of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

"The only thing that really terrified me was SIDS," says Gwen Haynes, a mom from Bowie, Md. "Everything else seemed as if I could change a behavior or get help, but with SIDs there really isn't anything you can do."

Even the Back To Sleep Campaign, with its recommendations on reducing the SIDS risk, isn't always reassuring. "It still seemed as if ... for some reason your baby stopped breathing there would be nothing you could do about it unless you stayed awake all night," Haynes says.

Dr. Laura Jana, an Omaha, Neb., pediatrician and coauthor of Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2005), admits it's normal to worry, but recommends new (and experienced) moms focus on the things they can control. She recommends the following:

Place Baby on his/her back to sleep.

Never smoke/allow smoking around Baby.

Place Baby on a firm, flat surface to sleep.

Remove all soft things such as loose bedding, pillows and stuffed toys from the sleep area.

Never place Baby on a sofa, waterbed, soft chair, pillow or bean bag. (Doesn't apply to sitting with Baby on a sofa, etc.)

Take special precautions when Baby is in your bed. "I generally recommend, as does the AAP, that the best approach is to have a co-sleeper next to the bed rather than have your baby in yours," Dr. Jana says.

Make sure Baby doesn't get too hot.

Keep Baby's face and head uncovered during sleep, dressing Baby in a sleep sack, with the amount of layers you want him in. Do without blankets altogether.

"[There is] also a new recommendation for allowing use of pacifiers at sleep, based on findings that suggest a pacifier may help protect against SIDS," Dr. Jana says.

Also remember, the SIDS risk is greatest between 1 and 4 months and is down significantly by 6 months. So there is no need to worry endlessly, though continuing the above precautions can't hurt.

2. What If My Baby Isn't Getting Enough to Eat?

This worries breastfeeding moms because "nature's perfect food" doesn't come in a measurable container, so there's no way to know how much Baby is getting.

"My biggest worry was getting breastfeeding right," says Carolyn Fearing of Arlington, Va. "I wanted to do it, but it was physically and mentally hard. I think there were three days when I had just a few hours' sleep because I was told by a lactation consultant to feed and pump back to back to keep up milk supply. I nearly went crazy. I was worried the baby wasn't getting enough food, that formula would 'hurt' the baby, and for me it was almost a portent of how I would perform as a mother overall. If I couldn't give my baby the 'best' from the start, then I was doomed."

One ingenious thing about breastfeeding is that the amount of milk produced is determined by how much Baby eats. "'Ad lib' feedings, feeding the baby when he exhibits hunger cues, allows the mother's body to regulate to the baby's need," says Debbie Thompson, pediatric nurse practitioner and neonatal specialist at Children's Medical Center Dallas. "The presence of regular urine and stool output tells the mom the baby is obtaining adequate amounts of breast milk."

Your physician will monitor your baby's weight to reassure you your baby's getting enough nourishment. If you're having feeding issues, and it's determined you need to supplement with formula, don't worry.

"If/when a baby is supplemented or switched to formula, I reassure moms that they have not failed, that their babies are still going to be able to get healthy nutrition through their formula," Dr. Jana says.

Looking back, Fearing feels her worries were a little "ridiculous." "I was much more chill with the second baby about breastfeeding and it was a piece of cake," she says.

3. What If My Baby Isn't Gaining Enough Weight?

Along with worrying whether your baby is getting enough to eat comes the worry about whether she is growing normally.

"I worry my 10-month old is not gaining weight as he should," says Pearson Brown, a mom from Los Angeles. "I've found this is a huge concern among other moms too, as those charts at the pediatrician's office give norms that make moms worry their child is not as heavy/tall as he should be."

"The importance of the growth chart is to monitor growth over time and not one individual weight," Thompson says. "The percentile is not as important as the trend of following one of the percentile curves."

Genetics is also a big factor in determining height and weight, so don't be too concerned unless your physician tells you to be.

4. What If My Baby Doesn't Get Enough Mental/Physical Stimulation?

You're exhausted from lack of sleep; you can't possibly provide the mental and physical stimulation necessary for your baby to develop properly. Or it feels like that anyway.

"If I don't give [my 3-month-old daughter] 20 minutes a day of tummy time will she ever be able to sit up, crawl or walk?" says Paula Wavak, a mom from Chicago, Ill. "If I don't read five books a day to her will she graduate from high school?"

Wavak admits the questions are tongue in cheek - kind of. These days, parents research what to do for their children's growth and development, then feel guilty when they can't always do those things. "Why haven't I?" Wavak says. "Oh, because I'm trying to breastfeed, get her on a nap schedule, research what I'll do for daycare when I need to return to work and trying to take a shower!"

Dr. Dan Brennan, a pediatrician at Cottage Children's Hospital in Santa Barbara, says babies will benefit from as much one-on-one time as you can offer. "At times a parent may feel guilty about not spending as much time as they would like to," Dr. Brennan says. "Remember to maximize the time that you have by talking, reading and singing to your baby as time allows. You will find that you often have more time than you think."

5. What If I'm Not a Good Mom?

And finally, the big one: the worry you'll be a lousy mom.

Jennifer Hill knows this one well. "I had many worries because I had postpartum depression and anxiety," says the Swarthmore, Pa., resident. "I had an overall fear that I was an incompetent mother and didn't know how to take care of her. Even though I had read baby care books while pregnant and knew that babies cry to communicate, whenever Alexandra cried, I panicked."

Her husband and physicians helped her recover from the depression and anxiety. "[Motherhood] is a learned art, as well as a bit of trial and error," Thompson says. "Just remember, everybody has their own style. Take ideas that you are given and mold them into what you feel your role should be, taking into account the personality and needs of your infant. Trust your judgment!"